The Memories Fade
by Frankielynn
Summary: How can I expect someone to forgive me, if I can't forgive myself? I knew it was wrong and I still did it. I knew it was wrong, and now I'm paying the price...losing everything. A Jasper POV to 'Loving Your Memory'
1. TMF-Sometimes You Leave-Prologue

**Ok, so here it is, the very first chapter of "The Memories fade" the Jasper POV fic to "Loving Your Memory". If you haven't read that one, go do it now. It may help explain some things in this story. Also, be gentle with me, I've been away from LYM for a few months now, so it's taking time to get back in that mind-set. It will happen, have faith, and enjoy! Much much thanks to my always awesome beta AJasperForMe (AJFM Drofnats), for not only adding me back to her author list, but editing these out for me as fast as she does. I owe you some more slashy Jasper fics!**

* * *

I twisted my wedding ring around on my finger as I waited for her to speak; to tell me the reason why I had yet again lied to be here with her. Finally sitting down in front of me, she opened her mouth, her eyes not meeting mine as she spoke.

"I want you to know, I never meant for this to happen. I'm so sorry, Jasper."

"Meant for what to happen?"

"I'm pregnant ... it's ... it's yours."

"Are you sure?"

"I haven't been with anyone but you, Jasper. I'm sure. I'm sorry."

"You already said that. How did this happen, Alice? We were so careful."

"My best guess is at the office party last month. We weren't exactly careful that night."

"Fucking hell!" I let the curse hang in the air. Running my hand through my hair, I felt Alice place her hand on my knee in her attempt to calm me. It was the last thing I needed. I had a wife at home that loved me, that needed me, that I had spent ten years of my life with, and finally after all our trying, was having a baby with. A wife that I had also betrayed, not only by cheating on her, but by getting the other woman pregnant as well. I knew I had to tell her.

Alice followed me with her eyes as I paced back and forth in her small living room. She remained silent, letting her news sink in.

"Jasper?"

"We should have stopped this," I waved my hand between me and her, "a long fucking time ago. We should have stopped the first time I tried. Dammit, Alice!"

"Jasper, I-"

"I know ... you're sorry. I'm sorry, too. Look, I have to get back to Bella. My poker game was over an hour ago, and I have some things to think about, like how to tell her." I saw Alice nod and make a swipe to her face, trying not to cry.

"We'll figure this out. I promise ... I want to be there for her or him."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Goodnight, Alice."

Pulling into the driveway, seeing the soft glow from the TV in the window, I let the guilt finally take hold. How was I going to tell Bella without it killing her, killing me. She had trusted me, and I had let her down in the biggest way possible.

I tried to be quiet as I opened the door, as not to wake her sleeping on the couch. In the home stretch of her pregnancy, Bella was having a hard time getting comfortable in our bed and spent most of her nights on the couch. Still awake, she made a move to sit up as she saw me come in.

"You're still up?"

"Just waiting for you."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I don't mind. How was your game?" I felt that pang of guilt hit me again as I let my lie slip free from my mouth.

"It was ... it was fine, I lost twenty bucks."

"You'll get it back next time."

"Um, Bella ... we need to talk ... I have something to tell you."

"Okay. Does this have anything to do with the text message I found on your phone today?" When had she looked at my phone? I had been home all day; my phone only went off once that I knew of.

"You looked at my phone?"

"It went off while you were in the shower. I thought it was something about your game tonight. Who's Alice?"

"She's what I need to talk to you about."

"So talk." I didn't know how. Sitting down next to her, I saw her wedding band. Grabbing her hand, I had to touch her one more time before I broke her heart.

"Okay, so I met Alice at work. We flirted back and forth for a while. I swear it was harmless, Bella ..."

"Go on."

"Well one day as I was packing up to leave, she asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I didn't think anything of it, so I went. Our flirting started to get a little more serious, and one day during one of our lunches, we kissed." She nodded, letting me finish. Her hand tense in mine.

"It stayed at just that kiss for a while, then one day she came into my office crying. I tried to comfort her, make her feel better, and we wound up sleeping together. I'm so sorry."

"How long?"

"How long what?" Her eyes were unfocused as she fought to hold back her tears.

"How long have you been sleeping with her?"

"A few months." I felt her hand slip from mine. I watched as she stood in front of me, starting to pace.

"How long is a few months exactly, Jasper?"

"Eight."

"Fuck! I'm eight months pregnant, Jasper! You've been with her this whole time I've been pregnant? How could you?"

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sure you are, Jasper."

"There's more I need to tell you." My hands fidgeted in my lap as I continued.

"What?"

"That text from Alice you saw, she's ... she's pregnant too, Bella."

"She's keeping it?"

"I asked her to. Bella say something, please."

"I want a divorce."

My breath caught in my throat, and all I could do was nod. I wanted to fight her, to tell her we could work it out, how I wanted to work it out, and it wasn't too late. That I loved her. Anything to make the hurt in her eyes go away. I couldn't however, do any of that, she wasn't going to hear me anyway.


	2. The Memories Fade - Stay

**August 2011, Six years later**

I had barely raised my hand to the door when Parker swung it open, hugging me tight around my legs.

"Hey baby, where's your mom?"

"Laundry room. She's looking for my other shoe," she told me, sticking her one-shoed foot in the air. I saw Bella rounding the corner, out of breath, and holding the other one.

"Hey, Jasper. Here's your shoe, P. Go upstairs and get your overnight bag."

"Hey Bella, how have you been?" I could see the strain on her face as she spoke to me. Up until a few years ago, I waited in my truck for Parker to come out to me. I was allowed to come inside now only because Parker had a habit of forgetting almost everything, and it was easier on Bella to go over a checklist of sorts while she was still inside.

"Can I get you something to drink, Jasper?"

"No thank you, I'm good."

"Ok ... P! Hop to it, your dad's waiting!"

"You look good Bella, motherhood works for you." Six years later and she still looked like she did the day we got married. The only real change I could see was her fading brown hair and missing wedding band. And just like that a small pang of guilt washed over me.

"Thanks."

"I miss-."

"Let's go Dad, I'm ready!"

"Guess that's my cue. Bye, Bella. See you Friday." I had so much more I wanted to say to her. I had never stopped telling her how sorry I was over the years. She'd never let me finish a sentence before shooing me out the door to my 'other' family. If only she'd believe me when I tried to tell her she was my only family, the only one I had ever wanted.

I hated Fridays. I hated Wednesdays. I hated this whole fucking mess. I knew it wasn't fair for me to complain about it, it was my own fault, and Bella was trying. But still, I hated it.

I walked Parker to the door, carrying the latest 'Daddy-can't-say-no-and-I'm-sorry' thing she had wanted. This time it was a small Golden Lab puppy she had named Monkey on the way here. I knew I shouldn't spoil her like this every time it was my turn to have her, but guilt makes one do stupid things. Hell, stupid things makes you do even stupider things.

Bella opened the door with a look on her face upon seeing the newest gift that told me it would be a firm "no".

"Please tell you me didn't, Jasper."

"Daddy got me a puppy, Mommy. Can we keep him?"

"Yeah Mom, can we keep him?" I teased, sticking his pink nose in Bella's face. Parker let out a soft giggle as Bella continued to shoot me daggers.

"I don't know, P. A dog's a lot of work."

"Mom, please."

"Let me talk it over with your dad. Go play, ok?"

"Jasper, no. A puppy? Really?"

"She saw him in the window at the mall. I couldn't say no."

"Well then, he should stay at your house."

"But she's at your house more than mine, it wouldn't be fair." I wanted at least something in my daughter's life to be fair, even if it was a puppy.

"Right, cause you're all about what's fair, Jasper."

"Don't start, Bells. I'm tryin' to be a good dad to my kid in a really shitty situation. Ok?"

"Yeah, by giving me more responsibility. And if I remember correctly, YOU made it a shitty situation, Jasper." Bella's voice raised and she was pointing her finger at me as we argued over more than just the dog now.

"Fine, give me the damn puppy. He can stay, but only on a trial period. If it doesn't work, he goes to your house." She relented, taking the dog from my arms.

"Deal."

"So you got food for this thing?"

"His name's Monkey."

"Monkey?"

"You'll have to ask P. Well Bella, I need to get going. I got a play date with Mattie. We're having a tea party." Hurt flashed in Bella's eyes at the mention of Mattie; she quickly let it pass and nodded her head.

"Bye, Bella. Bye, P!"

"Bye, Daddy!" I heard Parker call after me as I made my way back out to my truck. I let my head rest against the steering wheel for a few minutes before starting the truck and pulling away. It never gets easier.

_Fuck!_


	3. The Memories Fade- The Reason

I folded my laptop on my desk, peeking outside the window at the snow. There was a thick layer covering the ground and cars with more still coming down hard. I let out a sigh and reopened my laptop; if the snow kept up, I wasn't going anywhere tonight. Not that I minded much, I still had a ton of cases to finish scattered over my desk.

"Hey Jasper, it's getting bad out there. I think I'm staying here tonight. Are you going to try and get home?"

"I doubt it. I'll call Bella in a bit, let her know I'm staying late so she doesn't worry."

"You mind if I stay in here, keep you company?"

"Sure come on in, darlin'." I gave her a flirting wink as she made her way over to my desk. Her eyes searched my face as she undid my tie. We both knew what we were doing was wrong, that someone would get hurt in the end. But as my hand made its way up Alice's thigh, I was too lost to care.

"You think maybe you should make that call to Bella before we continue?"

"Yeah, I guess so." Sighing, I leaned over Alice for the phone, dialing our number. It rang three times before an out of breath Bella finally answered ... odd.

"Hello?"

"Bella, you sound out of breath. You ok?"

"I'm fine Jasper, just racing the answering machine." I heard her let out a small laugh at her own joke.

"Uh, ok. Hey listen, I hate to do this, but I don't think I'll be home tonight. I'm sorry, Bella."

"What, why?"

"This case wants to settle out of court and my client can't pay the suit. I need to rework some papers and stuff. Gonna be an all-nighter again."

"Where are you gonna sleep then?"

"Well if I sleep at all, here at the office I guess. Look B, I really need to finish this. I'll be home tomorrow." Playing with one of Alice's knees, she let out a soft giggle before she could stop herself. I held my breath waiting for Bella to say something about it, but she didn't.

"Well alright, I'll see you tomorrow then. I love you."

"Me, too. Bye, Bells."

"Bye, Jasper." It was hard to miss the hurt in her voice at my not saying 'I love you' back as she hung up. I just couldn't bring myself to tell her I loved her while I was doing whatever it was I was doing with Alice.

I woke up the next day on the floor of my office, naked and wrapped around a sleeping Alice. I placed a kiss to her forehead and started to untangle myself, waking her in the process.

"Hey darlin', the roads are clear. Time to head home."

"Ok, Jasper." We dressed in silence, gave each other a goodbye kiss and headed for our cars.

Bella was in the kitchen when I finally got home. I set my briefcase down and made a beeline for the shower. Bella's voice finally calling out to me as I was walking back down the stairs.

"I reheated yesterday's dinner."

"That's fine."

"It's a good thing I don't have to be back to work 'til Monday, it's insane out there."

"Yeah, that's what the weather channel said. So, did you get things fixed with the case?"

"Almost. It's probably going to be another month of negotiating before this is over."

"Oh," Bella looked at her plate for a moment, seeming lost in thought. "Well, I may have news that'll make you very happy. At least I hope it will. We've been wanting this for awhile."

"Good news?"

"Mmhmm."

"So what is it?"

"We're pregnant! We're finally pregnant, Jasper!"

"You sure?"

"Positive. I took four tests. I also have a meeting with Dr. Hale Tuesday."

"I can't believe I'm gonna be a dad. I'm going to be a good dad to this little one, Bella. I'll sing to him every night and spoil him. I'm a dad! Holy shit!" We had done it. We were finally having a baby. I wasn't sure what to say. We had been trying so hard and nothing seemed to work. I placed my hand on her stomach as I thought about everything that was happening now; about Alice. I had to stop this thing with her.

"Do you want to go with me Tuesday when I meet with Dr. Hale?"

"I would love to, but I can't. I have meetings all day Tuesday. I'm sorry." One last lie wouldn't hurt if it was for a good cause.

"No, no, it's ok. Don't worry about it. There will be other chances to come with me." I heard Bella trying to hold back her disappointment that I wouldn't be there.

"Here, let me clean up. You go rest."

"I'm pregnant, Jasper, not dying. I can clean up the kitchen."

"I just don't want you to overdo it." I took the dishes from her, setting them in the sink and shooing her out of the kitchen.

"I don't see how putting two plates in a dishwasher is gonna wear me out."

"Well, maybe I want you to rest up so I can make love to my wife and the mother of my child. God, I love you, Bella." I made a vow to her and myself right then and there I was going to be a better man. The man she and our child deserved.

"Mmm, making love sounds a lot better than doing dishes anyway. I love you too, by the way."

_I was gonna be a dad!_


	4. TMF- You Were Always on My Mind

**August 2011**

* * *

I was startled by the phone ringing as I tried to wake myself up. I reached for it, knocking my alarm clock to the floor in the process.

"Hello?"

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"It's fine, I needed to get up anyway. What's up, Alice?"

"Can you take Mattie for about a week?"

"Yeah, sure. Why?"

"Thanks, I have this meeting with this new law firm across the state, and I can't get a sitter for that long."

"I'd be happy to take her. Maybe I can get Bella to let me have Parker for some of that time and they can play together."

"Oh, that would be really great for her. Oh, and one more thing." Her voice took on a teasing tone.

"Yes, Alice?" I laughed into the phone.

"Would you be able to take me to the airport too?"

"Yeah, that'll actually work out, I can get Parker and drop you off."

"Thank you, Jasper. I owe you." I hung up the phone with Alice and dialed Bella's number, Parker answering the phone instead.

"Baby Girl."

"Hey, Daddy." I waited for her to finish her ramblings of the day before asking her.

"I have a question for you. Would you like to spend a few days with me and Mattie at my house? You don't have to if you don't want to?"

"No, we can do that."

"Great."

"I have to ask Mommy."

"I know, I just wanted to ask you first."

"Will you do it for me?"

"Ask your mom for you? Sure baby, I guess. Mattie will be here Tuesday. I'll get you then, ok?"

"Sounds like fun, I can't wait." I heard some shuffling around then Parker's small voice talking to Bella.

"Daddy wants to talk to you."

"Hey, Bella."

"Jasper. You needed to talk to me?" Her voice seemed tense as she spoke to me.

"Kind of. P thinks you'll say no, so I told her I'd ask you."

"Ask me what?"

"Well, Alice has this thing to go to and is going away for a few days, so Mattie's staying with me. I was wondering if I could take P too?"

"Why?"

"I don't know if you ever noticed before, but I'm not exactly the type that dresses up and plays house. So I thought Mattie could use someone her age to play with." I laughed at my own joke, hearing Bella on the other end take a deep breath. This wasn't going to be good.

"You think that is a good idea, Jasper?"

"Yeah, why not? They're the same age, they're both girls, and they are related, Bella."

"Don't remind me. When will you need her ready by?" I knew I had hit a nerve saying the girls were related. It was true though, even Bella couldn't argue that. I almost tried taking back the comment, but thought better of it. It would only make it worse than it already was.

"She can go?"

"Yeah, she can go. She is your daughter, Jasper. I can't keep her from you just because I hate you." Hearing Bella say she hated me stung. I knew it was her way of attacking me for saying Mattie and Parker were related. I hoped it was just her anger in the moment. I never wanted Bella to hate me. I had always hoped in the back of my mind with time she would be able to forgive me ... and maybe try again.

"Thank you, Bella. We'll see you Tuesday."

"See you Tuesday. Bye, Jasper."

"Bye." The phone clicked before I had a chance to say anything more. I would have to wait for a better time to talk to Bella now.

Tuesday seemed to be here before I knew it, and I made the drive to get Alice and Mattie, then off to Bella's for Parker. The drive from one house to another seeming to get longer each time.

I stood at Bella's door with Mattie by my side. I wanted Bella to see Mattie meeting and knowing Parker wasn't as bad as she thought. I waited, knocking again, before Parker opened the door that was bigger than her.

"Hey Baby Girl, you ready?"

"Yep." Parker was grabbing a few last minute things when Monkey ran out from the laundry room licking Mattie's face.

"Aww a doggy. Come here doggy."

"Be nice to the puppy, Mattie. His name's Monkey. He's Parker's dog." As I was speaking to Mattie, I saw Bella come out of her office, looking right at Mattie.

"Bella, I want you to meet Mattie, my daughter." I placed my hand on Mattie's back."Mattie, this is Bella. She's Parker's mom."

"It's nice to meet you, Mattie. I hear you and Parker are spending the week at Jasper's." I watched as Bella kneeled down to Mattie, shaking her hand.

"Yep, Daddy says me and P can stay up late and watch movies and play dress up and stuff."

"That sounds like fun."

"Well girls, we need to be going. We still gotta get your mom to the airport, Mattie. Tell Mommy bye, P." I stood up, giving Monkey one final pat and grabbing all of Parker's stuff. I made it to the door, turning around to say goodbye to Bella, when I saw the look on her face. It was a mixture of hurt and confusion.

"What?"

"Is Alice ... in the car now?"

"Yeah, I figured I'd get P on the way to the airport."

"Gottcha." I watched her nod her head, walking to the door to close it behind me.

"I need to get going, later Bells."

"Bye. Make sure the girls get some sleep please."

"Will do. Bye."

I climbed out of my truck gently as to not wake up Parker and made my way to Bella's door. I was just getting ready to move my hand to knock when Bella opened the door.

"She fell asleep in the car. Can I put her in bed?"

"Sure, down the hall on the left."

"Thanks." I carried her to her room, placing her in between the covers. Her little hand gripping my shirt as I tried to get up to leave.

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, baby. Get some sleep." I saw Bella waiting for me by the doorway, a small smile on her face.

"She's all tucked in and out cold."

"That's good. Hey, did you do her hair?" she teased.

"She wanted pigtails. I did the best I could." Parker had asked me to do her hair like mommy does that day as we were getting ready to leave. Seeing the look on her face, I couldn't say no, winding up doing her and Mattie's hair.

"It's sweet."

"Can I talk to you a sec, Bells?"

"I guess so. What's up?" She waved me into the kitchen, making us both a cup of tea. Handing it to me, I took a sip, my eyes watching hers. I wasn't really sure how I was going to start this, but it had to be said.

"So ..."

"So?" It was now or never.

"I miss you, Bells. I know you don't want to hear it, but I do. I still love you. Fuck, I never stopped." Taking another sip from the tea and steeling my nerves again, I continued on. "I don't know if this makes any difference to my case or not, but I'm not with Alice. That ended right after I found out about Mattie, I promise." I needed Bella to know everything was over for good with me and Alice. I wanted her to know a lot of things, but it all depended on what she wanted to hear.

"So what do you want?"

"Give us a chance again? We can go slow. Whatever you want."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Be honest. Is this really because you miss me or just miss having someone in your bed?" I couldn't believe she was asking me that. Did she really think I just wanted her back for sex? I guess I had that one coming though.

"I miss you, Bella. Parker should have a mom and dad."

"Parker does have a mom and dad, Jasper."

"Not together." I felt my face get hot as a few tears spilled down my cheek. Bella's face not giving away any emotion as she took her turn to speak.

"I can't ... do ... this." She waved her hand between us. "It's too hard, and it's too late. It's too fucking late, Jasper."

"Please." I was begging, but I couldn't help myself then.

"You hurt me, Jasper. You cheated on me. You got another woman pregnant. Now, tell me how do I forgive that?"

"Let me prove to you I'm not that guy anymore."

"Saying sorry, it doesn't count anymore."

"I know."

"Well Jasper, I don't want to keep you. You have another family to go to. Night, Jasper. I'll see you when you come for Parker." She stood, leading me to the door, and as she shut it behind me, I knew I wasn't giving up without a fight.


	5. The Memories Fade- For What It's Worth

**July 2004**

* * *

I was standing in the closet pulling a few of my shirts from their hangers. Bella was sitting on our bed folding a few of my pants and shirts I had tossed to her. She was being eerily calm, every once in a while asking me a question.

"So let me see if I understand this right. You've been having an affair since before I got pregnant and didn't even attempt to stop it after you knew I was." I closed my eyes and nodded. We had already been talking about this for hours, mostly me answering questions about Alice or the ... affair.

"Why, Jasper?"

"I don't know." It was a simple question, one I had asked myself many times over the past few months. I should be able to give her an answer, but I couldn't and wasn't going to lie to her either.

"Was I not a good wife to you? Does she do something in bed I don't? What was it, Jasper? What was it about her that made you do this? Tell me what I'm missing."

"No. It's not like that. You've been a wonderful wife to me, and I still love you. I'm so glad you are my wife. Alice ... just ... I don't know, Alice made me feel things I haven't felt in a while." As hard as it was to say, it was the truth. I couldn't explain it to her better than that.

"And none of those things could have been felt with me ... your wife?"

"That's the thing, Bells. I didn't know I was missing them 'til she came around. Then I guess it was too late to stop it."

"Cause I'm sure you tried, right?"

"Bella ..." I knew this was hurting her; it was hurting me. Nothing I said or did now would change her mind, and I wasn't going to fight her. I looked around the room for anything I may have missed that I would need and sat down next to her.

"Just answer the fucking question. Did you try to stop it ... at any point?" I wanted to touch her so bad, but I knew I shouldn't. It was too soon.

"I ... I tried to stop it once. After I knew we were havin' a girl. I know I should have the minute you told me you were pregnant, and I'm sorry I didn't. I ..." I should have told her then I had tried to stop it after she told me we were pregnant, but for whatever reason, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"You just didn't think you'd have to tell me, thought you were being more careful, right?"

"No ... yes, God, I never meant for this to happen. I'm so sorry, Bells. I love you so much. I'm so sorry." I didn't know what I had been thinking then or now, truthfully.

"Fuck you, Jasper. You shouldn't have anything to be sorry for. The fact that you do, that you're standing here confessing an affair, not because you wanted to but because you have to, shows me everything I need to know about you, Jasper. You're not the man I married, not anymore." She didn't look at me, just looked down at her hands.

"So, I guess you really want a divorce then?"

"Honestly? I don't know what I want. I'm eight months pregnant, Jasper. As much as I hate to say it, we need you right now. I'm not gonna do anything this close to my due date, but after Parker's born, we're coming back to this. This topic is not closed. Not by a long shot."

"Thank you, Bella." I stood to make my exit, stopping when I heard her call my name.

"Jasper, I want you to be there when Parker's born. You're her dad, and we did make this baby together. You should be there."

I told her thank you again, closing the door behind me.

August2004

After Bella kicked me out, I found a semi-decent hotel near my work and booked a room for a few nights. I had thought about asking Alice if I could stay with her, but I knew that wouldn't go over well with Bella.

I had been sending Bella texts since I left our house, all of them still unanswered. I had got a call from my sister, letting me know Bella was being put on bed rest until the baby was born and she had it under control. I threw my phone against the wall when she told me not to come over. It was my baby, my wife, and I wasn't wanted or needed.

I was feeling lost and upset when Alice called me around four AM, asking me if I wanted to go with her to one of her ultrasound appointments later that day. Excited to see how the baby was doing, I told her I'd meet her for breakfast around six-ish, and then we could head over to Dr. Hale's together.

I was sitting in the waiting room, Alice playing a game on her phone when mine went off.

"Jasper? Get your fuckin' dickhead ass over here, Parker is coming!" Rosalie screamed in my ear.

"I'm all the way across town at Dr. Hale's with Alice."

"I don't give a shit about that, and I don't think your daughter does either. You better make it here in time, or she'll never forgive you!" With that Rosalie hung up.

"Who was that?"

"My sister, Bella's in labor. I have to go."

"Yeah, I don't want you to miss it because of me. I'll be fine here. You go." I threw a wave goodbye behind me to Alice, flying out the door. I was hoping I wouldn't miss this, it would be one more thing to add to the list of things Bella would never forgive me for.

I made it into the hospital, asking what room Bella was in and flying around the corner, ignoring the nurse behind me.

"I didn't miss anything, did I?" I panted, finally stopping just inside the room

"No. Thank God, but she's almost there. You're going to be a daddy, Jasper." Rosalie gave a me a tight smile before setting her face in a glare at me.

"Anything I can do?"

"I think you've done enough."

A few hours, ten tiny toes and ten tiny fingers later, I was staring down at a sleeping Parker in Bella's arms.

"Parker Marie Whitlock, welcome to the world. I'm your mommy, and the guy over there is your daddy. We both love you very much, Baby Girl." I placed my hand on her small head, feeling the connection we all shared. For a moment at least, we were a whole and perfect family.

"We made her, Bella."

"I know."

"Can I hold her?"

"Sure." I took her gently from Bella's arms, still staring in awe at everything that was her ... my daughter.

"We need to talk, Jasper."

"Now?"

"Yes, now. Once that baby comes home, I doubt we'll have time for it." I rocked Parker back and forth as she started to stir, letting Bella continue.

"I've thought a lot about this. Don't think this is in any way a forgiveness, but we have a new baby that needs us, and it's going to take both of us to take care of her. So you can move back into the house, but you sleep in the guest room." I nodded.

"I can live with that. What ...what about when Alice's baby is born?" Bella faltered for a moment, letting whatever was in her head pass before answering, a twinge of sadness in her voice.

"You will go and be there when she's born. We'll work something out. Right now, I want to focus on Parker and be happy. OK?"

"Ok."

Maybe this wouldn't be that bad after all.


	6. The Memories Fade- The Way it Should Be

**August 2011**

* * *

Had it really been seven years? It still felt like it all happened yesterday. I was sitting in the middle of my living room floor, trying and failing to wrap up a few of the gifts I had got for Parker. I wondered what she would be doing to celebrate today when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Jasper ... umm, fuck, it's your daughter's birthday today. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she wanted to do something with both of us. You busy?" she didn't sound happy to be making this call, but I let it go.

"No, I can do that. What time?"

"One? Bring a gift."

"I'll be there." She wanted both of us. I was about to do a dance around the living room, but I needed to finish up my gifts, more so now that she was actually getting them on her birthday.

I wrapped the last gift and loaded up my truck, making my way over to Bella and Parker's. I had just made it into the driveway when a pigtailed and bouncing Parker came flying at me. I slowed my truck, bringing it to a stop and grabbed a handful of gifts and greeting Parker.

"Help me set this stuff down, and I'll give you a big hug." I made my way into the house, feeling hands taking the biggest box and a few bags from me. I looked up as the last bag was taken from me to see it was Bella helping unload.

"A gift Jasper, not the whole freakin' toy store."

"I couldn't help myself. You only turn seven once."

"You're spoiling her, Jazz."

"So, I don't get to see her that much, let me have this."

"Whatever." She threw her hands up, walking away. I didn't want to have another fight with Bella today. I made my way over to Parker, who had been peeking into some of the bags, giving her a bear hug.

"So what are we doing today, kiddo?"

"Can we go to Play Land?" Bella let out a tired sigh as I looked up at her, waiting to see what she would say.

"It's your day, baby. We can go wherever you want." In one swift movement, Parker was out of my arms and running up to her room. I stood up, watching the blur of Parker completely leave my sight, and turned awkwardly to glance at Bella.

"That kid is something else, Bells."

"Yeah, she is. She takes after you, ya know."

"How so?"

"Well for one, she looks just like you, and second, that kid is so stubborn. I asked her if she wanted a party with her friends, and she picked us, Jasper. A day with mom and dad."

"Hmm." I looked up at Parker's room, soft banging noises coming out of it. Bella saw how she was like me, but I only ever saw how much she was like Bella. I was lost in my memories when I heard Bella start speaking again.

"How are we gonna explain this to her? She's gonna start having questions soon."

"Explain what?"

"Well for one, Mattie. She's gonna wanna know why Mattie's mom is Alice and her mom is me. She'll wanna know why Dad only sees her a few days a week and doesn't live with us. God Jasper, how can I explain anything to her when I don't even know myself?" It was my turn then to sigh as I ran my hand through my hair. I didn't want to have this conversation today, hoping for one day with Bella as a family without the past still haunting us.

"We'll figure it out." I made a move to comfort her. Not sure if I should, or even if she wanted me to, I let my arm fall back to my side as we waited for Parker to come back down the stairs.

"Ready to open your gifts, P?"

"Yep!" Taking a break from all the playing Play Land had to offer, and setting down to open gifts, I saw a look on Bella's face I hadn't seen in a while ... she looked happy. It felt good to see her happy and smiling. She was even able to joke around with me. It was small, but it was a start.

"Ok, this one's from your dad." I held my breath as Parker pulled out the laptop I got her. I saw out of the corner of my eye as Bella gave me a quick, disappointed glance and then let it go.

"It's a laptop, Mommy!" I felt Parker's tiny arms wrap around my neck as she did a little dance in her seat, then going after a gift from Bella.

"It's so when I'm at my house I can still be with you when you're at yours." I felt the start of tears in my eyes at thinking about why she even needed the damn laptop, why she had to spend time at my house and then Bella's.

"Thank you, Daddy. I love it. Can we try it out tonight?"

"If it's ok with your mom."

"Yeah, it's ok. Your dad will have to help you set it up though, since it's his gift."

"Thanks, Mommy."

"Ok, this next gift is from Mommy." Bella handed her her gift, taking turns with the next gifts. After playing with all of them, Bella packed everything up and loaded her car. Parker was worn out and asleep on my lap when Bella came back. I saw her stop and watch as I sang her what was once our song and played with her fallen down pigtails.

I couldn't help the smile as I saw Bella place her hand over her tattoo. We got them together when Parker was a few months old. Shortly after bringing Parker home, things seemed to be headed in the right direction. I asked Bella about the idea of us both getting a tattoo, and she agreed. Where Bella's tattoo was on her hip, I proudly wore Parker's tiny little hand print on my shoulder.

I felt and heard Bella behind me as we watched Parker sleep for a few minutes.

"She loves you so much, Jasper."

"I know she does. I love her very much, too."

"Don't break her heart." I felt her hand on my shoulder as I turned to look at her better.

"We still talking about Parker?"

"I'm talking about everything." A moment of understanding passed between us as I moved Parker off of me to help Bella clean.

I had missed doing things like this with Bella; helping her clean, cook, take care of Parker. I was missing it all. I placed another paper plate into a trash bag and walked over to Bella, my hand resting on her back.

"Thank you for including me today, Bells. This was really nice."

"You're welcome, but you should be thanking P. It was her birthday wish."

"I will when she wakes up." I was starting to walk away when I heard Bella turn around and wrap her arms around me. I hugged her back as tight as I could without hurting her, not wanting to lose the feeling of her in my arms again. I felt her starting to pull away as I held her firmly to me, leaning down to place a kiss on her lips. I had almost made it when a soft voice broke our moment.

"Mommy? ... Mommy?"

"I'm right here, baby. What's the matter?"

"I don't feel good. I feel hot."

"You may have just had too much sugar, P." Bella told her, rushing to check her forehead. I watched Bella mother over Parker, feeling very much the outsider to their life then. It wasn't just a feeling, I really was an outsider to Bella now.

"She is warm, Jasper. I'm gonna take her home."

"I'll come with you." I helped Bella into her car, placing Parker gently in the backseat. This was my chance to show Bella the man I was now, my chance to be the dad I had wanted all along to be to Parker.

"You don't have to do that. I can handle it. I'll call you if we need anything."

"No, I want to be there for her. Let me go home and grab some clothes, and I'll be right over." I made my way to my truck as Bella was already backing out of the parking lot, calling after me before she drove away.

"I'll see you at the house."

I made the drive to my house, grabbing a few changes of clothes, and making sure my guitar was still in my truck, I drove to Bella's.


	7. The Memories Fade- givin Up The Ghost

**October 2003**

* * *

I was sitting at my desk working on a report for a case that had somehow got lost in the shuffle, when a small knock landed on my door.

"Come in!"

"Sorry Mr. Whitlock, I don't mean to interrupt you, I just wanted to introduce myself. I'm Alice Masen. I'm your new legal aide."

"Nice to meet you, Alice. And please call me Jasper."

"It's nice to meet you too, Jasper. Is there anything I can help you with since I'm here?"

"No, thank you. I think I have it for right now, but I'll let you know if I do."

"Ok, I'll be at my desk if you need me. I look forward to getting to work with you."

"Thank you Alice, I am too." She closed the door quietly behind her, leaving me alone again. She was not at all what I had expected when my boss told me I would be getting a legal aide to help me on some of my cases. She was a lot younger than most of the lawyers and aides at the firm for one thing, but she was also very pretty, with soft green eyes and short, spiky black hair.

I knew her arrival would spark a lot of interest from the other guys in the office. I felt lucky I had Bella. It would make working around Alice so much easier. I closed my laptop and got ready to head out for the night, popping my head around to Alice's desk to say goodbye.

"I'm heading out Alice, if you want to go home too. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Thank you, Mr. Whit- Jasper." I gave her a quick smile and continued on my way.

The next few days working with Alice were easy. We joked and teased and seemed to be getting along great. She had even confided in me about her dating one of my colleagues, Peter. It was nice to have a friend in her. I told her all about how hard a time Bella and I were having getting pregnant, and that I was almost ready to give up. She understood and let me vent to her when we had failed yet again.

I was running late coming into the office, when I spotted Alice waiting for me by my door.

"I'm not sure if I should be asking you this or not, but what the hell."

"Ask me what exactly?" I raised my eyebrow to her, waiting to find out where she was going with her question.

"I've been having some problems with Peter, and you're his friend, plus you've been sharing all your problems with Bella. I feel I can trust you. Would you like to have lunch with me today?"

"I already had plans, but I can move things around. Sure, meet me here at one, we can ride together."

"Great. I'll see you at one then." With that she gave me a wink and went back to her desk. I went into my office to call Bella and cancel our lunch date.

"Hey Bells, Um ... something came up here at work, and I can't get away for lunch. Can we do it another time?"

"I hope it's nothing too serious. Yeah, it's fine. We can have lunch together anytime." She sounded a bit disappointed but let it go.

"Thanks. I love you."

"I love you too, Jasper." I hung up feeling a bit guilty for lying to Bella like that. In the nine years we had been married, I had never lied to her about anything, let alone the fact I was having lunch with another woman. I put that thought out of my mind and continued on with the rest of my day.

By the time one had rolled around, I was more than ready for lunch. Alice was on the phone when I walked up to her desk. I moved a few papers taking a seat on the corner of it, waiting for her to finish.

"Hey darlin', you ready to head out? I'm starving."

"I'm almost done, then we can go. Oh hey, did you get that other appointment taken care of?" She asked me, holding her hand over the phone, waiting for my reply.

"What other appointment? Oh, you mean Bella. Yeah, I got it worked out. I just told her I had to work over lunch." shrugging my answer and looking around Alice's small office.

"You didn't have to lie to your wife because of me. Maybe we shouldn't do this."

"Don't worry about it. What Bella doesn't know won't hurt her." I let out a small laugh at my bad joke.

Once her phone call was done, I helped her gather some of her things, and we made our way to my car. The whole ride to the diner was filled with jokes and stories of Bella and Peter. Once we had finally been seated at our booth, I asked her why she wanted to have lunch with me.

"So I know you said you wanted to talk about Peter, but why did you want to go for lunch to do that? I would have stayed late after work if you wanted to talk."

"I know that. I just wanted to get away from that place for a while. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but sometimes I feel as if everyone is staring at me."

"Understandable." I nodded to her. "So what's up with you and Peter?"

"I'm not really sure. He's been acting kind of weird lately. Do you think he could be cheating on me?" Her eyes looked so hurt, I wasn't sure how to comfort her. I took a drink of my water before answering her.

"Peter, cheating? I highly doubt it. Peter can't even cheat on a test, Alice." It came out as a snort, as her eyes looked a bit more hopeful.

"Really?"

"I've known Peter since the sandbox, Alice, that man is as honest as the day is long."

"So then why is he being so ... off around me?"

"Knowing Peter, it's probably just stress. Best advice, talk to him, see what he says. If anything's wrong, he'll tell you." I took a small bite of my burger, watching as she pushed around her salad, seeming lost in a thought.

"Thank you, Jasper. You're a really good friend to him ... and me. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"What about your girlfriends?" Surely she had girlfriends to confide in about this stuff. Alice just seemed the type to be the social butterfly.

"I don't really have a lot of female friends." She let out a pained laugh, checking her watch.

"I don't see how that can be." We finished up our lunch with not much more conversation about Peter or her lack of girlfriends, and then headed back to work.

A few weeks later, we were meeting for lunch again; this time Alice seemed to be in a happier mood. I guessed she had taken my advice and talked to Peter. We had ordered and were waiting for our food when she spoke.

"So, umm, Jasper, I want to thank you for helping me a few weeks ago."

"It was nothing." I ducked my head, clinking my ice out of habit.

"Thanks, anyway."

Once our food came, our conversation slowly drifted to mindless chatter about work and random things.

"Hey Jasper, you got a little mustard on your chin."

"I do? Where?" I took my napkin, wiping around at my mouth.

"Here let me get it." She reached a hand out to wipe my face, and that's how it happened.

_I kissed Alice._


	8. The Memories Fade- Leave The Pieces

**March 2005**

* * *

I was loving being a dad, and Bella letting me be around to help her out with Parker made me feel like maybe everything would be ok. I was still sleeping in the guest room of course, but I took the fact Bella hadn't mentioned the 'D' word in the eight months since we had brought Parker home as good enough for me.

I was sitting at the kitchen table doing a final once over on a case for work, Bella was upstairs putting Parker to sleep when my phone rang. I quickly answered when I saw Alice on the caller ID. I had tried to help Alice as much as I could with her pregnancy, but between work and Parker, I didn't get to be there for her as much as I had during Bella's. Luckily for Alice and myself, her mother had flown out to help her with all the last minute baby things she needed. At nine months however, I called Alice daily, checking to see how she was doing, so the fact she was calling me could only mean one thing ... it was time.

"Hey Jasper, looks like you're gonna get to be a daddy again. My water broke and the contractions are starting to come." She panted this out to me in short, sharp breaths.

"How far apart are they?"

"About fifteen minutes right now."

"It's ok Alice, just relax" I told her as I made my way upstairs to let Bella know I was leaving.

"I'm heading to the hospital with my mom now, Jasper."

"I'm on my way."

"Good. I can't wait to meet her."

"I know, I can't wait to meet her either." Reaching the top of the stairs, I hung up my phone, seeing Bella standing just outside Parker's room. I slowly walked up to her, placing my hand at her back.

"That was Alice. Her water broke. I need to go to the hospital. I'm staying with her 'til she and the baby come home, ok? I'll call and check in on you and Parker when I can. I love you." I gave her a quick kiss before she could move away from me and started to make my way downstairs. I heard Bella sniffle and then call out to me.

"Ok ... be careful driving. It's really foggy out."

"I will, don't worry."

I was placing Mattie back into her crib when I heard Alice speaking to me.

"It means a lot to me that you came to see her be born."

"She's my daughter, Alice. I wouldn't miss it for the world." I felt Alice grab my hand, a few tears slipping down her cheeks as she chose her next words to me.

"I know this whole mess isn't anything you wanted, Jasper.-"

"Shhh, don't. No, it's not perfect, but that little girl is, and I love her, Alice. I really do." I caught a few stray tears from Alice's face, looking into her eyes.

She was right; it wasn't perfect, but that was our life now.

"I named her after your mom. Matalin Grace Whitlock. I hope that was ok."

"I love it, Alice. Thank you."

I tried to shut my truck door as softly as I could as to not wake a sleeping Parker or Bella inside. I carried in the few leftover balloons Alice hadn't taken with her. I opened the front door to see Bella rocking Parker in her arms.

"Shh, I just got her to sleep."

"Sorry."

"It's fine. She'll go back to sleep in a bit. How's Alice doing?"

"She's great. She and Mattie are home now resting. She had some family come stay with her for a while, so ..." I let my words cut off at the look on Bella's face when I said the baby's name.

"It was a girl?"

"Matalin Grace Whitlock. Mattie for short." She nodded her head as she moved one hand from under Parker to wipe at her face. She let out a small sigh, looking down at Parker.

"Parker's asleep again. I'm going to go lay down myself ... umm, I guess you get a congrats now. So, congratulations, Jasper." I watched her go upstairs with Parker, leaving me in the living room by myself. I knew it hurt her to hear I had given Mattie my last name, too. I wanted to be a dad to both my girls, last name and all.

A few days after Alice came home with Mattie, Bella and I came up with a timeshare-like plan so I could spend as much time with both girls as I could. I would spend most weeknights with Parker and Bella and the weekends with Alice and Mattie. I didn't know how long it would work, but I would take it until it didn't.

**August 2005**

* * *

The past year all seemed to be a blur now. Parker was a year old, and Mattie going to be not far behind her. I had been playing with Parker, bouncing her on my knee and holding up some of her new toys, when I saw Rosalie walk in. She had been helping Bella clean up from the mini-party we had for Parker.

"You two having fun?" She pointed to Parker, who currently had my cell phone wedged in her mouth, giggling.

"Hey Baby Girl, that's not a toy." I told her, trying to gently take it from her.

"What did you need, Rose?"

"Bella wants to have some time alone with you to 'talk'." She did air quotes on 'talk'. "So that means Emmett and I get Parker for the night." She held her arms out, reaching for Parker. I handed her over, getting up off the floor myself.

"Bella wants to talk to me?"

"I'm not saying any more than that. You need to hear it from her."

"Thanks Rose, you've always been a good friend to Bella."

"Somebody has to be." She threw a glare at me, bouncing a happy Parker on her hip.

"I've told her I'm sorry. I've done everything she's asked. I've given her the space she wanted. I know I fuck- fudged this up, but I dunno what else to do. I'm trying, Rose. I do love Bella."

"Well for one, you should have kept it in your pants." She continued as I nodded." You're my brother; I will always love you, but you really did it this time. She loved you, so much, and you betrayed that love. That's hard to forgive by itself, but you got another woman pregnant, Jasper."

"I know. You forgave Emmett."

"I did. You're right. That wasn't easy, and I'm still not over it. I didn't forgive him in a year either."

I helped Rosalie pack up her car, kissing Parker goodbye. I found Bella sitting on the floor of what used to be our bedroom, a bunch of papers laying on the bed.

"Jasper, can we talk?"

"Yeah."

"I'm not sure how I should go about this, the rule book got tossed a long time ago. This, you and me, it's over. I tried, I really did. It's not working." She wiped at her eyes, reaching for some of the papers on the bed and handing them to me.

"What are you saying?"

"I started the paperwork for a divorce. I love you, but we can't do this anymore."

"I figured. There's nothing I can do to change your mind is there?" She shook her head no, moving to find a pen.

"If this is what you want then."

"It is." I nodded, taking the pen and signing the divorce papers. Saying goodbye to ten years of memories and mistakes. To Bella.


	9. The Memories Fade- Sin For A Sin

**August 2011**

* * *

A bittersweet feeling came over me as I pulled into Bella's driveway later that night. I wasn't a man coming home to take care of my family, I was a man visiting his daughter while she was sick. I had given up the chance to have the family I had worked so hard to get. I had given it up for a few moments of weakness.

A few tears misted up my eyes as I gathered my overnight bag, walking up to Bella's door.

"I brought my overnight bag." I showed her, lifting it up after she had opened the door more for me to come inside.

"You don't have to do this, Jasper. It's just a small fever. She'll be fine."

"Like I told you, I want to. I've missed out on a lot of things over the years. I can't take them back. I can however, do this."

"Fine. Guest room's down the hall. I'll go get you an extra pillow."

I watched her point to my room for the night, heading to the linen closet for the spare pillow. She stood at the closet for a few minutes, just holding the pillow in her hands. I was about to say something to her, when Parker let out a soft cry, both of us heading to her room. I paused at Parker's doorway, Bella starting to head in.

"Let me?"

"Go for it."

"Thank you."

"It's ok, baby. Daddy's here." I told her leaning over to pick her up. I sat down on the side of her bed, rocking her gently in my arms as her tears started to quiet, Bella still standing in the doorway.

"I had a bad dream."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Ok. Mommy was yelling at you. She told you she hated you, that you had to leave and you couldn't come back. I don't want you to go away!" She started to cry again, grabbing onto my shirt. I held her closer to me, rubbing her back.

"I'm not going anywhere, baby. Ok?"

"But she was really mad at you. She said you hurt her. Why would you want to hurt Mommy?" I looked at Bella for help. This was the conversation we had always feared having to have. I wasn't sure how we were supposed to go about this.

"That's some dream. I would never hurt your mommy, baby."

"But I heard you guys talking the other night."

"Baby, your dad didn't hurt me. He just made me a little sad. Everything's ok now." Bella told her in a calming voice, coming into the room to join us. She sat down on the floor in front of me petting Parker's hair.

"Is that why Daddy doesn't live with us?"

"It's part of the reason. Why don't you go back to sleep, and we can talk about it tomorrow. Your dad's gonna stay here 'til you feel better." Bella and I both stood up, moving so I could put Parker back in bed.

I had her tucked in, Bella and I both heading for the door when she spoke again.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Will you stay in here with me tonight?"

"Sure baby, let me go get my pillow." I kissed her head, leaving the room to get my stuff for the night. As I passed Bella, I could see the tears starting in her eyes. I knew it hurt her that I wasn't around as much for Parker as I should have been.

I walked back into Parker's room setting up my makeshift bed for the night and crawling in. Bella watched us for a few more minutes before saying goodnight and turning out the light, leaving me alone with Parker.

I was almost asleep when Parker's little voice woke me up.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Baby Girl?"

"I can't sleep. I had another nightmare."

"Daddy's right here, baby. You're ok. You want me to sing to you?" I sat up on the floor, reaching for her small hand under the covers.

"Ok."

"Ok." I nodded, getting up and heading outside to get my guitar out of my truck. As I was walking back to Parker's room, I passed by Bella's first, seeing that she still slept on the left side of the bed, a body pillow placed on what used to be my side. I smiled to myself and continued back to Parker's, sitting on the floor in front of her with my guitar.

"I used to sing to you all the time when you were little."

"You did?"

"When you would spend the night at my house, you would wake up in the middle of the night, and I'd hold you and sing you back to sleep. "

"With your guitar?" She looked confused as she looked at my guitar and then back down at herself. I let out a little laugh, trying to picture it myself.

"No. I would sing to a CD. I made you one once, a CD of me singing to you. I gave it to your mom."

"I remember that CD. Mom played it every night for me."

My cheeks felt wet as she told me about how Bella would play my CD for her. It felt good to know how much Bella tried to keep me around even when I wasn't. After Parker had scooted back down under the covers, I began playing softly on my guitar.

"This used to be me and your Mommy's song when we were dating."

"What's it called?"

"_'I'll Stand by You_'. It's from one of Mommy's favorite bands when we were in high school. They're called the Pretenders. She loved them and this song." I smiled at the memory of singing this song to Bella so many times over the years we had been together. I always told her I meant every word.

I started the song, fighting back my sadness as Parker drifted off to sleep. I stopped playing, placing my guitar on the floor and laying down myself. It was a long night after that, getting woke up one more time by Parker telling me she was hungry.

I woke up the next morning to find Parker and Bella standing over me giggling. I wasn't sure what was so funny, until I sat up and went to itch my head. Parker had woke up before me and had somehow, without waking me, placed all her hair clips and a ponytail in my hair. Seeing Bella and Parker enjoying my makeover made me feel for the moment like the world was as it should be. I joined in on the fun, laughing along with them.

"You think this is funny, P? You getting me back for my lopsided pigtails?" Parker took off running as her giggles continued and I took off after her, Bella scolding us before we made it very far. I was out of breath when I finally sat down at the table, Bella rolling her eyes at me. I wasn't as young as I once was.

"OK kids, settle down. How you feelin' today, P?"

"Much better thanks to Daddy."

"What did Daddy do?" She looked at me confused, waiting for Parker to explain.

"I woke up again with another nightmare. He got his guitar and sang me back to sleep. He also made me soup."

"I didn't see you bring your guitar."

"I keep it in my truck." Bella gave me a quick smile, turning back to the stove. I helped clean up and tried to offer to help make lunch a little bit later. I was soaking up as much of my family moment with Bella as I could get. After putting Parker down for a nap, I came back downstairs to help Bella again in the kitchen and to clear something up with her. I touched my hand on her arm, waiting for her to stop cleaning before speaking.

"Bella, I'm sorry about the other night. I know we're not ready yet."

"You referring to trying to kiss me or begging me to take you back?" She questioned, raising her eyebrow at me, waiting for my reply.

"Umm, both I guess." I let out a snort, finishing my thought. "Though I did mean it ... what I said. I meant the kiss, too. I just don't want to rush you."

"Well thank you, but you're not rushing me. I meant what I said, too. We are over, very over." She looked me in the eye, her face set in a firm line, letting me know it was final.

"You don't miss me?"

"Of course I miss you. Being around you like this, seeing you with P, taking care of her, being a dad to her, it's killin' me, but my answer is still no." She looked down at the rag in her hands, taking a deep breath.

"I didn't ask you anything."

"I know you, Jasper." I waited for her to say more, but she didn't. We stood there lost in the impasse we were currently at. I wanted to say more, but as my eyes scanned past the clock, I knew it would have to wait.

"Shit, I was supposed to get Mattie two hours ago. I don't wanna leave without saying bye to P."

"I'll tell her you had to go, but said bye." I nodded, grabbing the stuff I had brought downstairs and headed for the door.

"Tell I love her?"

"Yes."

"Thank you." She shook her head, holding the door to close it behind me.

"Go, don't keep Mattie waiting."

"Bye."

It never did get any easier.


	10. TMF- Who's Kissing You Tonight

**November 2003**

* * *

After the kiss with Alice, we had kept our distance unless it was for work. Neither one of us wanting to ruin the others relationship. I hadn't told Bella about it yet, and I was sure Peter didn't know anything either. I told myself since it was only one kiss I didn't need to worry my already stressed out wife.

I was sitting in my office, papers all over my desk and my laptop open, when a sniffling Alice knocked on my door, opening it slowly. I looked up as she walked farther into my office, taking notice of the way she looked. It didn't look like she had gotten much sleep the past few nights; her eyes were puffy and red from lack of sleep and crying .

"Alice? What's wrong, darlin'?" I stood up from my chair, coming to sit on my desk in front of her, taking her hands in mine.

"Peter..-" She made a deep sigh, more tears falling free. "Peter broke up with me, Jasper."

"What? Why?"

"He ... he told me he loved me, but he didn't see a future with me."

"Oh, Alice. Darlin', I'm sorry." I pulled her to me for a hug, her small arms wrapping around my waist. I felt her put her head on my shoulder as her tears started to calm.

"Shhh, Peter can be an idiot sometimes. He doesn't deserve you anyway." I smoothed her hair down, still comforting her in my arms.

"What do you mean?"

"You need a guy who can be there for you and love you ... all of you, like you should be loved."

"You mean a guy like you?"

"A guy like me?"

"Yeah. I see how much you love Bella. You'd do anything for her. And you've been working so hard to have a family, I think it's sweet how much you love her." She moved her head, looking up into my eyes. We held our gaze for a moment before she leaned up, placing her lips gently on mine. Pulling away after a moment, a fresh set of tears teasing her eyes.

"I ... I'm ... so sorry ... Jasper."

I shook my head, agreeing with her as I stood to walk her out of my office. We stood at my office door for a few minutes just staring at each other, before I broke the moment by speaking to her.

"You're upset, Alice. Why don't you take a few days off and clear your head, and I'll see you next Monday?" She nodded as I leaned into give her cheek a kiss, somehow missing and hitting her lips, this time neither one of us pulling away. I let all my frustration from work and Bella spill out into this moment of weakness with Alice as I walked with her backwards to my desk.

My head was pounding when I woke up the next day, rolling over to see Bella still naked and asleep. For a moment, thinking whatever I did with Alice the night before as just some odd dream. I used to dream about the women I had crushes on in TV or movies when I was in high school, but that was before I had met Bella.

I groaned and got up to get ready for work, letting Bella sleep and heading downstairs to make my own coffee. I placed a note on my pillow next to Bella, telling her I loved her and we should meet for lunch today if I wasn't too busy, and headed out the door.

I passed by Alice's office on my way to mine, seeing she wasn't in yet. The day passed slowly, with still no sign of Alice. She still wasn't there as I left to meet Bella at our spot for lunch. I pulled in next to Bella's car, getting out and walking in to find her already seated and placing her order.

"Mayo on the side for that other order, please. Thank you." I let her finish talking to the waitress as I sat down, giving her a small smile as I did.

"Hey, baby. How has your day been?"

"Not too busy. I called Dr. Hale again. He said we can do another round of IVF if we still want to try."

"Do you still want to try?"

"I dunno. We've been trying for a long time, Jasper. Maybe it's not meant to be."

"I know, baby. But let's just enjoy lunch, and we can talk about it tonight when I get home."

Bella agreed, and we ate our lunch, talking about random things going on at Bella's job. She was in the middle of telling me about a rather maddening costumer when my phone went off with a text. A pang of guilt hit me as I read what it said.

_**"I'm really sorry about last night- Alice."**_

I looked up at Bella as she was finishing her story, not sure if I should tell her right then or not, telling myself it wasn't the right time, and I would tell her when the moment was better. I closed my phone and finished my lunch with my wife.

There didn't seem to be a 'right time' over the next few days to tell Bella, and trying to work with Alice and not slip again was proving hard. We had again gone back to avoiding each other unless we had to interact for work. I missed the friendship I had had with Alice before anything happened.

Two weeks after my slip with Alice, I found myself sitting at my desk trying to focus on the case I was working on. It hadn't been a good day so far, starting with a fight with Bella the night before. It was the same fight we always had, whether or not we should try again. And this time I wasn't sure I wanted to.

Rubbing my hands over my eyes, I heard Alice before I saw her setting some files down on my desk and coming around to rub my shoulders.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really. It's the same fight as last time, Alice. I didn't think it was supposed to be this hard."

I felt her small hands continue to rub along my shoulders, pushing me forward to rub down my back. Having Alice around made me feel good; there was no pressure with her. I let myself relax as she rubbed down my back, pulling my shirt out of my pants.

As much as I should have, I didn't try to stop it .


	11. TMF- Do You Wish It Was Me

**November 2005**

* * *

Five months after Bella had filed for the divorce, and I was still signing papers and dealing with lawyers. I hated lawyers; I was one, maybe that's why I hated them. I had spent the better part of the last month working out a custody schedule with Bella for Parker. It dawned on me after signing them I would have to do this all over again in a few years. I felt a bit better at the fact that I hadn't had to work much out with Alice for Mattie. I pretty much was able to have her for three days in between having Parker and going to work.

Today however, was my first weekend alone with Parker since signing the agreement. I tapped my fingers on my steering wheel as I made my way to Bella's house, trying to think of what it was going to be like to have a one year old Parker in my house alone all weekend. Thanks to Mattie, I had a bit of an idea. I also had a spare car seat in my truck.

I pulled in slowly, rounding Bella's drive. I could see Bella's living room through the glass in the door as I knocked, waiting.

"I'm comin'!" Her voice yelled out from somewhere I couldn't see. Finally making her way downstairs, a baby bag in one hand and Parker in the other, she opened the door.

"Morning, Jasper."

"She ready?"

"Yep, all set. You sure you can do the whole weekend? I can come get her if it gets to be too much."

"We'll be fine. Won't we, P?" Parker let out a few giggles as I tickled her and then reached her arms out for me. I took her, then the baby bag from Bella. We stood silently for a few minutes before she spoke again.

"She's just starting to walk, so make sure there's nothing she can hurt herself on."

"Bella ... it'll be ok. I can handle it. I have taken care of her before you know."

"Not alone." Bella walked with me to my truck, watching as I hooked Parker into the car seat. After buckling her in, I made my way over to my side, climbing in and starting the truck.

"She'll be fine. I promise." I watched as Bella waved sadly at Parker as I drove away.

I had just gotten Parker down for her nap, the CD I had made for her still playing softly in the corner of her room, when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hey you. Guess who just said their first word?" Alice's voice sounded so happy and proud. I had missed Parker's, and I had missed Mattie's now too. I wondered for a moment what else I was missing as I continued talking to Alice.

"That's great, Ally. What did she say?"

"Nothing big, just 'baba'. You're still getting her on Monday, right? Maybe she'll talk more for you." I nodded into the phone, realizing Alice couldn't see me.

"Yep, Monday at eight AM sharp."

"See you then. Oh, and Jasper, when you come to pick her up, I want to talk to you about her birthday coming up."

"Ally, we still have like four months for that."

"I know; I just want to get ideas, but I'll let you go for now. I know you have Parker."

"I just got her down for a nap."

"Hey, how's that going by the way?"

"What?" I checked the baby monitor to hear if she had woken up, just catching Alice's question. "The custody schedule ... you and Bella?"

"I hate it, Alice; I really do. It shouldn't have to be like this."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Thanks. Oh, Parker's waking up, I gotta go. See you Monday."

"See you Monday." I hung up the phone, going back into Parker's room to see her standing up in her crib, baby talking to the air.

"Hey Baby Girl, who you talking to?" I asked her, picking her up from the crib. She continued to gurgle and giggle as we made our way to the living room. I set her down in my lap, opening the baby book Bella had made for me. Inside were various pictures of Bella during her pregnancy, her baby shower, and little Parker and her at the hospital. I was almost to the back of the book when I saw it ... it was our wedding picture. We were standing in front of the cake, I had one hand loaded with cake aiming it at Bella, the other was gently around her waist. We looked so happy and in love, both smiling and laughing. I closed the book and looked down at Parker, who had fallen back to sleep and was sucking her thumb.

"I want you to know, Parker, I really loved your mommy. I still do. I love you too, Baby Girl, so very much. I'm sorry this had to happen, but you still have me. You always will."

I walked her back to her crib, watching her sleep for a bit before leaving to pack up things for her return back to Bella the next day.

I fixed Parker on my hip as I shut my truck door, making my way up to Bella's house. Bella opened the door a few minutes later, a dust rag in one hand and can of Pine-Sol in the other.

"We walked all the way from the coffee table to the sofa yesterday." I told Bella, sitting Parker's baby bag down.

"I hate to break it to you, those weren't her first steps."

"Still, I got to see her walk, and she did it all on her own."

"I'm glad. How was the rest of your weekend?"

"We played peek-a-boo, and I sang to her. Thank you for letting me to take her for the weekend." I handed Parker over to Bella, giving her hand a soft wave goodbye, and backed out of the door. I still had to get over to Alice's for Mattie, and I was running later than I wanted to be.

"You're welcome."

"I'll see you next weekend."

"Ok."

I had just dropped Mattie off and was headed back to get Parker. It had been almost a month of this new custody schedule, and I hated it even more now than I did when we made it.

I was loading some of Parker's things into my truck; the latest thing I needed to pack now was her swing. Bella had insisted she wouldn't be able to nap without it.

"I got it, Bella. You've told me all this before."

"I worry, ok? She's my baby."

"She's my baby too. I don't have this much trouble when I get Mattie from Alice." Shit. I wanted to kick myself as soon as I said it. I always did this around Bella, rubbing salt into the wound I had created.

"Well I'm sure when Mattie starts walking, she'll be like me." She bit back, running her hand along Parker's cheek before leaving us and heading back into her house.

"Maybe."

Why do Mondays always have to come so fucking fast? It was just Friday yesterday. I made one last look around my house, collecting all of Parker's things that didn't stay here, and headed out the door.

Parker was fussy and tired when we got to Bella's. Bella didn't look much better as she opened the door, letting me give her Parker to set everything down.

"What's wrong, Bella? Why are you crying?"

"Uh ... Jasper, can you keep P a few extra days?"

"I guess so, why?" I asked, picking everything back up to take it all out to my truck again. I understand now why most parents have two of everything.

"My dad ... my dad died."

Once everything was loaded and I had taken Parker back, I climbed in my truck, not sure what I should have done for Bella. Comforting was out, as she would hardly even look at me now. I turned to Parker, who was buckled into her car seat trying to eat her toes.

"Well Little Girl, it's just you and me for a few more days. And I think were gonna need some help; we need Aunt Alice."


	12. TMF- One Of These Night

**September 2011**

* * *

Alice had just dropped Mattie off so I could get in some father-daughter time, and so Alice could go school shopping without Mattie bugging her for some dress or sparkly backpack. I swear she was just like her mother when it came to shopping.

I had gotten lucky this year and did the school shopping with Parker, a kid who shopping wise, was all mine and Bella's. Both of us hating anything to do with shopping or malls. I was also in charge of taking Parker to school the next day. I would be taking Mattie too since hers started a day later. The schedule of the back and forth had gotten a bit easier now that both girls were in school. It however, still had its moments.

I was reading over some files for work, Mattie was coloring on the floor, when my phone rang, an upset sounding Bella on the other end.

"Hello? Bella?"

"You don't need to come over or anything, I just wanted to let you know, P had a little mishap. She's fine, but she did break her arm."

"Like Hell I don't need to come over! She's my daughter too, Bells!" I may have screamed this into the phone, causing Mattie to turn around and look at me.

"Jasper, let's not get into this again, not now."

"Let me talk to P." I heard some shuffling, then Parker's little voice.

"Daddy?"

"It's me. You ok, Baby Girl?"

" No, I'm ok."

"You want Daddy to come over for a bit? I can stay the night again, make pancakes, then take you to school?" I would have to call Alice to come get Mattie, but I knew she would understand.

"You can come over."

"Ok Baby Girl, I'm on my way. Put Mommy back on."

"Ok, here's Mommy."

"Yes?" I heard Bella sigh as she took the phone back.

"I'm spending the night again so I can take P to school."

"Fine." I didn't get a chance to say anything more as the line went dead. I put the phone back down, turning my attention back to Mattie.

"So, Little Girl, looks like we have to call your mommy to come get you. Daddy has to go check on your sister Parker. She broke her arm today."

"Can't I come with you to go to Parker's?"

"I'm sorry, baby. I don't think Parker's mommy would understand, plus your mommy would miss you too much."

"Ok, fine."

"Thank you, baby." Alice was just walking to her car when I called, and she was at my front door twenty minutes later.

"Thank you again, Alice. I'll be back in time to get Mattie again for school."

"Don't worry about it, Jasper. Go take care of Parker."

The door was unlocked when I got to Bella's, and it smelled like heaven once inside. I placed my overnight bag and guitar on the couch continuing into the house, my nose leading me into the kitchen.

"Smells good, Bells."

"It's tuna noodle casserole. It's P's favorite."

"It's mine too." I smiled, remembering the first time Bella ever made it after we were married. The house stunk for a month after that, but I ate it anyway. She was much more skilled in the kitchen now; I missed her cooking.

"That's right it is. That must be where she gets it from. So I take it you're here to spend the night?"

"I said I was."

"I know ... you … just haven't always ... done things you said you were. Still getting used to it I guess." She turned back to her pot on the stove, avoiding my eyes.

"I told you, I'm not that guy anymore."

"So I'm seeing."

It took forever to get a very nervous and excited Parker to sleep that night. After three songs and a game of Go Fish, she was tucked in and close to sleeping. I turned her light out, making my way downstairs to Bella. She was sitting on the couch, sipping a glass of wine and reading a book. I sat down next to her, grabbing my own glass, as she looked up.

"This is nice."

"What is?"

"Being here, being a family." She nodded in agreement, seeming lost in thought.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you ... ever ... be able to rethink us?"

"I don't know. This past year has been so weird for me, with you. I think it's still too late, Jasper."

"I told you I haven't been with Alice since Mattie was born, and I haven't been with anybody else. I'm not seeing anyone right now either. I just wanted you to know." It was the truth. I had thought about dating, maybe even dating Alice, but it didn't seem fair to Bella to just give up on us like that. I was pretty sure Bella hadn't dated anyone, so I wasn't giving up without a fight.

"Thank you. It's getting late. We should go to bed. You have to take someone to school tomorrow." She gave me a wink before getting up and heading upstairs to her room. I finished off my glass of wine then headed for the guest room.

"Don't remind me. I dunno why I agreed to take her."

"Cause you love her."

"Right."

_Cause I love her._


	13. TMF- Thanks For The Memories

**November 2005**

* * *

I listened as Rosalie went on and on about how sad she was to say goodbye to this year's class and how old it's making her feel. My sister, the never break a nail, cheerleading, prom queen, girly girl had become a high school mechanics teacher. Go figure. We sat for a few more minutes talking about what her new class was learning when she made a comment about my girls.

"You know Jasper, it won't be long now and Mattie and Parker will be graduating."

"I know. I live in fear every day."

"They'll be dating first, then cars."

"Shut up, Rose."

"Man, you're testy. Do you remember what you were like in high school, Jasper?"

"I remember being a nerdy eighteen year old scared to death and in love."

"I think Bella was just as scared as you, Jasper."

"She always thought she wasn't good enough for me. I wasn't good enough for her." I sighed as Rosalie nodded in agreement.

"You got that right, asshole."

"I remember I wanted to marry her the day I met her, and I was so worried she would say 'no' when I finally did ask her."

"She thought you were breaking up with her."

"I never knew that."

"You didn't know a lot of things, Jasper." I let my mind wander back to that day, the day I would never be able to forget. It was the best day of my life next to Parker and Mattie; it was the day Bella said yes.

_I watched as Bella picked the petals off the flowers next to me, her hair falling out of her braid. I ran my hand through my own hair one more time, trying to find my nerve. Bella looked up, commenting on my nervous habit._

"What's wrong with you?" __

"Thinkin'." __

"Bout?" __

"Us." __

"What about us, Jasper?" She stared into my eyes, waiting for me to continue. I took a deep breath, grabbing her hands in mine. __

"Well, school's gonna be done soon and then college. I don't want to lose you." __

"You won't. We're goin' to the same school, 'member?" __

"That's not what I mean. Shit Bella, I wanted to be more romantic about this. I'm so in love with you. I want us to be together forever and not just carve our names in a tree forever. I mean like married forever. I wanna have babies and grow old and ... just everything ... with you. Marry me, Bella?" __

"Oh my God, Jasper! I love you, too! Yes ... I'll marry you." She wrapped her arms around my neck, her tears falling onto my shoulder. __

"You will?" __

"Why wouldn't I? You're all I want." __

"So, we're gonna do this? We're gonna get married?" I didn't wait for her to say anything more, swinging her around in my arms, her toes ghosting over the grass. __

"I think we are. One thing though, we have to tell my dad." __

"Your dad likes me, shouldn't be hard." __

"Yes, but we're only eighteen Jasper, and for a few more months, seniors in high school. He's gonna think you knocked me up." I started laugh, then I saw the look on her face. She had a point.

Rosalie snapping her fingers in my face brought me out of my memory.

"Whatcha thinkin' about, brother?"

"High school. Wasn't it about this time you and Bella were planning the wedding? Dress shopping and all that stuff."

"Yeah, I think it was. I was so glad she said yes to you. You had finally found a good woman, and you fucked it up."

"Just like Dad."

"You remember the night before you graduated? That party out at La Push?" She asked me, changing the subject.

I nodded, answering, "I stayed all of ten minutes, and then went over to Bella's."

"Really? And what did you guys do? Start trying for that family?"

"Rosalie! I will have you know Bella and I only had sex once before we got married."

"Prom." We said it at the same time, both nodding and laughing at how corny it all was now.

"So, you gonna tell me about it?"

"About what?"

"The night before graduation."

"If you want me to." She nodded her head and waited for me to start.

The memories taking me away again as I told Rosalie the story.

_"Tomorrow's the start of the rest of our lives, Bells." I ran my fingers through her hair in my lap, humming her favorite song to her._

"I know. I can't wait." __

"You nervous?" __

"About what?" __

"Getting married." __

"No, are you?" She looked up into my eyes, pure calm and love reflecting back. __

"Not one bit. As long as it's you I'm marrying and have by my side, I can never go wrong." __

"I love you so much, Jasper." __

"I love you so much too, Bella. Thank you for being mine." __

"I don't want to be anyone else's." I leaned down to place a kiss to her lips. _  
_  
And I still don't.


	14. The Memories Fade- How Still My Love

**December 2011**

* * *

I played with my wedding band I wore around my neck; I could never bring myself to fully remove it from my body. It just felt wrong and unfair. I had noticed the date on the calendar this morning as I was making my coffee. I _should_ have been married seventeen years to Bella, should have had a beautiful house, happy child ... happy life ... given Bella everything I ever promised her all those years ago.

Instead I was getting ready to go pick up Parker for my 'weekend', and then do it all over again for a weekend with Mattie. The chain around my neck now seeming to weigh a ton as I made my way to the school to get Parker.

"Hey kiddo, how was school?"

"It was cool. I got the lunch lady to sign my cast. Hey Dad, you think I could get Mattie to sign it before it comes off?"

"I dunno, kiddo. I can ask her. So what are we doing today? Wanna go shopping for a gift for Mom?"

"Ok. Can we get pizza too?"

"Anything you want, it's your day." Parker was in the car and buckled. We were heading out for dinner then shopping, when my phone rang.

"Hey Alice, what can I do ya for?"

"You free? I have so much shopping left to do, and I can't do it with Mattie."

"Sorry, darlin, I can't. It's a Parker day."

"Oh that's right, I forgot. How's she doing anyway?"

"Good ... cast comes off in a few more months. Bella's fit to be tied though."

"That's understandable."

"Hey you have a sec? I wanna run something by you."

"For you Jasper, I can make a second."

"Awwh, you're so sweet. So I want to get Bella something for Christmas, kind of an 'I'm sorry I was an asshole. Can you forgive me yet? I love you.', sort of thing. Any ideas?" I waited for her to stop laughing at me to answer.

"Those gifts are normally really expensive, Jasper. Would you settle for just an 'I love you, I'm sorry', instead?"

"I guess."

"Maybe get her something like a watch with everyone's birthstones or her favorite candy."

"I like that. Thanks Alice, you're the best."

"I try. Now I have to go, the mall closes in four hours."

"Bye." I laughed, closing my phone and turning to look back at Parker. She was reading a comic book, headphones firmly in place and ignoring me.

I had spent a good two hours at the jewelry counter asking the annoyed sales lady what month each colored stone was at least a hundred times before finally settling on the ones I wanted to put in my gift for Bella.

It was a small, silver ring with three hearts, each one holding a different birthstone; one for me, Bella and Parker. I placed Parker's in the middle. I had a similar one made for myself and Parker. I had Bella's and Parker's gifts wrapped and headed off to find Parker still looking at perfume for her mom.

"I need help, Dad." All I could see were Bella's eyes as she looked up at me, asking for help.

"Your mom like fruity scents. Get her the one in the strawberry bottle."

"How do you know mom so well?"

"Long story."

Bella was in a rare good mood when I dropped Parker off that Sunday.

"Hey, Jasper how are you?"

"I'm ok. It's freezing though; I hate cold weather." I saw Bella nod in agreement, moving to the side to let me in.

"You want to come in for a sec? I have something I want to tell you."

"I guess. What's up?" I hadn't even taken my coat completely off before Bella announced her news.

"So, I met Alice."

"Really? Where?"

"Mall toy store. We had a nice chat about everything." I had completely forgotten Alice had been heading out to the mall that day too.

"And?"

"And nothing. I just thought you should know."

"Oh. Well, thanks." I felt the moment getting awkward, so I took a peek out the window. The snow was coming down harder now. I needed to get Mattie before it got any worse.

"The roads are getting bad, I need to be going soon."

"I understand." I stood in the open doorway, Bella hugging herself to keep warm, waiting for me to say goodbye. I was leaning in to kiss her cheek, a friendly gesture goodbye. The feeling of her skin on mine again overtaking my emotions as I let the moment get away from me. I closed the front door behind me, walking Bella back into the living room. I waited for her to stop me as I let my hand make its way under her shirt.

Bella was laid out on the couch under me, waiting for my next move. As much as I want to have her, I didn't want it like this, not in a moment of weakness. The fact Bella didn't really want this, not with me, made my mind clearer as I stood up off her.

"I'm so sorry. You told me enough times it's not gonna happen. I dunno what came over me. Again, I'm very sorry. I'm gonna go. I'll see you Thursday." Bella nodded softly, following me back to the door and shutting it behind me.

I made it to my truck, leaning against the door, forcing myself not to cry as I came to a decision.

_I had to move on._


	15. The Memories Fade-Bittersweet Symphony

**December 2005**

* * *

My coffee was hot in my hands as I prepared myself for the day ahead. I had asked Bella if we could talk, let me clear the air for her a bit more. There were still some details I hadn't told her. I was to pick up Parker and then give my confession to Bella.

I wasn't sure I wanted to now. I hadn't paid attention to the date on the calendar. It was our eleventh wedding anniversary. Some things can't be helped I guess. I took one last sip and made my way to my truck, driving slower than normal to Bella's.

I saw Bella with Parker, flipping the pages of a book through the living room window. From the look on her face, whatever she was looking at was already making her sad, and I was about to make it worse.

I gave a soft knock, watching as she placed the book down, walking with Parker to the door. I caught her wipe at her face before opening it. Parker reached for me as soon as Bella had it all the way open.

"Hey, Bells. P!"

"How are you?"

"Been better."

"Me too. So let's get this talk over with, shall we?" We walked together into the house. I sat down on the sofa as Bella shut the door, sitting on the other end of the sofa, waiting.

"Yeah."

"So, where do you want me to start?"

"I know most of the beginning; how about why the affair started."

"You really want to know this?" I watched her face. She gave me a flat nod, meeting my eyes in challenge. I knew she wasn't going to make this easy on me.

"Ok. I didn't mean to cheat on you. I want to get that said right away."

"The affair?"

"Alice was upset. Her boyfriend had broken up with her, and she wanted my advice. You and I had been fighting a lot, and I was getting frustrated. We hadn't been having sex since we had been having such a hard time getting pregnant."

"So, it was about sex then?"

"No."

"Don't try to protect me, Jasper. It's too late for that. I want the truth."

"Ok. Yes, it was about the sex. With Alice there was no worry about making sure we did it during the right time or fighting when it hadn't worked. I was so in love with you and sex had always meant so much between us, but with her ...with _Alice_, it was just sex."

"And the rest?"

"When you told me you were pregnant," I looked down at my lap at a sleeping Parker. I didn't want to tell her the rest. I knew it would hurt her, but it would also hurt me, "that we were gonna have Parker, I didn't know what to think. I was so happy we had finally got what we had been trying so hard for, but somehow it just didn't feel like enough. That the timing was off or something."

"Parker or Alice?"

"Both. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad we have Parker, and I wouldn't change having her for anything."

"You just didn't think she'd ever happen?"

I nodded, picking my next words carefully.

"Yeah. I told Alice you were pregnant, and that we should stop the affair before it got too far in. She agreed and for awhile we didn't do anything."

"But?" Bella hadn't blinked the whole time we had been talking. Her face was a mask, emotionless and cold. I felt my heart breaking all over again, watching her as she heard me tell her about my mistake.

"Seeing her around the office, you being pregnant and not in the mood to so much as see my face, let alone anything more, I slipped. We had gone to an office party at work and were both beyond drunk. We wound up sleeping together again and then ..."

"She got pregnant, too?" All I could do was nod my head, Parker still sleeping in my arms.

"Is there more?"

"No, that's everything."

"Well then, you need to get going. You're cutting into your time with Parker. I'll see you Monday." She stood, picking up Parker's baby bag and handing to me. I let my eyes wander around the room for a moment, noticing our wedding album on the coffee table. It was still open to the page she was looking at before I knocked.

It was a picture of us dancing; I was holding her hand over my heart, leaning into her ear. I could still remember what I told her as I made my way out to the truck, locking Parker into her car seat.

One thought crossed my mind as I pulled away from Bella's house.

_I wondered if she had found my note yet?_


	16. The Memories Fade-The Only Exception

**February 2012**

* * *

This was it. It was time to start living my life. I hadn't given up on Bella, she gave up on me, and there was no point fighting a lost cause. I placed one hand over the ring on my neck as the other traced over the new one in the soft velvet box.

I twisted the diamond, letting it sparkle. Alice was going to be by any minute to drop off Mattie. I hadn't really planned how I was going to ask her. I hadn't planned how to ask Bella either and look where that got me.

I heard the doorknob twist followed by Alice's soft voice.

"Jasper! You around?"

"In the study." I saw Alice peek her head around the corner, knocking on the door frame.

"Hey, darlin'. Where's Mattie?"

"Watching TV, she says to tell you 'hi'. "

"That's my Mattie. Hey can I talk to you? It's something big I've been thinking about."

"Yeah, you can talk to me about anything, Jasper."

"Would you ever want to get married?"

"I don't know, not many men go for single moms, Jasper." She stared at me for a moment after giving me her answer. I could see her face trying to figure out where my question was going.

"I didn't mean to any man, Alice. I meant to me."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm wasting my time waiting for Bella. I can never undo what I did to her, Alice. She won't let me. It's time I be happy, start living my life again. I love you, Alice. You gave me Mattie. You're my best friend. Marry me?"

"Yes."

"Thank you." I pulled her into my lap, reaching for the box I had been playing with. She gave me a gentle, testing kiss as she slid it on her finger. I had to admit I liked how it looked on her; it all seemed to fit somehow.

"I love it. It's perfect."

"Good, I'm glad."

Parker was getting her cast off, and I was going to tell Bella my news. I wanted Parker to be there. I wanted her to know she was still very much part of my life.

I waited on the swings for them, watching them pull up as Parker, cast free, came flying at me. Bella followed close behind as Parker sat down on my lap on the swing.

"God, this brings back memories."

"Yeah, it does. Remember I told you I loved you by that slide over there." I recalled, starting to swing with Parker.

"You did. I forgot about that. We had our first kiss there too."

"No, our first kiss was by that old oak tree. The first time you slapped me was the slide."

"You're right. God, that was forever ago." She blushed, hiding her face in her hands.

"I know. We were so young then."

"Anyway, how's the arm, P?"

"Doctor said I can still try out for softball in the summer."

"That's great. Want me to teach you how to pitch?"

"Please."

"You got it. You and me this summer, ok? I'll teach you everything I know."

"Ok, Daddy. Mommy, can I go play by myself?"

"Sure, but be careful. You just got the cast off." With Bella's words still hanging in the air, Parker took off running for the jungle gym.

"I need to talk to you, Jasper."

"About?"

"Umm ... a few months ago, the kiss … us."

"Oh, yeah. Again, I'm sorry about that. Heat of the moment I guess."

"Well, I've been thinking about it and ..."

"I know what you're gonna say, Bella. It's too late. I get it. I actually have news I wanted to talk to you about too." I put my hand up. I didn't need to hear her tell me again it was too late or bad timing.

"Ok?"

"I wanted to tell you first before I told P."

"What?"

"I asked Alice to marry me. I'm wasting my time trying to make you forgive me. I know I fucked up, and I'll never be able to forgive myself for that. I know you can't either, and you're right, it's not fair. Since I can't make it right with you, I can at least make it right with her."

"I take it she said yes?"

"Wedding's gonna be in July. I would like it if Parker could come, please." I held my breath waiting for her answer. I wasn't able to read her face the way I used to. I just hoped she'd say yes.

"You're getting married?"

"Bout time I moved on. Don't ya think?" I let out a small laugh. Bella just nodded, giving me a weak smile.

"Yeah, I guess. I'll have to think about it ... letting P go. I have to ask her."

"That's why I wanted to tell you first. I didn't know how to tell her."

"We'll figure it out."

"Thanks, Bells. Oh, what was it you were gonna tell me? What had you been thinking about?"

"Oh, it's not important." She looked away, watching Parker play as I watched her face fight to hold back from showing her emotions.

"If you say so."

Well that went better than I thought, maybe than I wanted.


	17. The Memories Fade- Killing Me Softly

**December 2005**

* * *

I walked into my house with a feeling of loss after telling Bella more about the affair when I went to pick up Parker. It was a feeling I was used to, but after seeing our wedding album spread open, it was cutting so much deeper.

"Want to see Mommy and Daddy when we were young?" I asked a cooing Parker as she looked at me, trying to grab my hair.

"We were barely eighteen, and I loved her so much. She was so beautiful. She liked my voice when I'd sing to her; she thought I sounded like Johnny Cash." I let out a laugh as I put Parker in her play pen, heading to my DVD player for our wedding video. When I had a second copy made, I told myself it was for Parker, but really it was for me. To remember the moment I never wanted to forget.

As the video started, it was Bella laughing as I twirled her, bringing her back close to me, placing her hand over my heart. I still remembered how she smelled that day, how excited I was to finally be able to call her my wife.

_"I'm so glad you said yes. I can't believe you're my wife now."_

_"You're my husband. I love you."_

_"Not as much as I love you, Mrs. Whitlock"_

_"I'll never get tired of the way that sounds."_

_"Neither will I. I promise you right here, right now, that as long as I have you, I'll never do anything to hurt you." The song finished around us as I placed a kiss on her lips. _

_"I know you won't." We continued to dance, so lost in the moment. It wasn't until her dad tapped my shoulder we realized we danced through four more songs._

_"May I have the next dance?"_

_"Sure, Daddy."_

_"I meant with Jasper." We had both laughed, no one making a move as I continued to sway with Bella._

_"So, can I have the last dance with my little girl?" _

_"Of course." I answered him, finally handing her over. I watched as I walked away how he leaned into her ear, making her laugh and roll her eyes._

The video played on as more memories flooded my mind. A clip of us cutting the cake, or getting the garter, made me laugh as I watched it all play out.

I thought back to a few days before our first anniversary, crawling out of bed, Bella still sleeping. I had been so lost in my happiness that Bella was my wife. I had ran downstairs to write her a note, hoping she would one day find it and fall in love with me all over again.

"_Dear Bella,_

_A year ago today you made me the happiest man alive. You married me. I plan to spend the rest of our life together showing you just how thankful for that I am._

_I stuck this in our wedding album for you to find whenever you look at it again. I love you._

_Jasper"_

I turned off the DVD, shutting the TV off as well; it was enough memories for one day.


	18. The Memories Fade- Leave Right Now

**July 2012**

* * *

This was it, this was moving on; it was time. I told myself one last time I was ready for this, ready for what I was about to do today. I walked out of the small room, making it to Alice's and knocking softly.

"You ready?"

"Are you?"

"As I'll ever be. You look beautiful."

"You're not so bad yourself, Jasper."

We walked together down the small church hallway. Mattie and Parker, along with a few friends and family scattered along the pews. Neither one of us wanted a big wedding; something small just for us.

I took her hand, waiting to say our vows. Before speaking the words, I touched my wedding ring to Bella one last time as a final goodbye to that life.

"Love's a funny thing. It can bless you; it can break you. When I met you, I knew I had a friend in you. You helped me through my hard times; you gave me some good times; you agreed to give me my life back. For all those things, I love you. I admit, I'm not a perfect man; I never will be. I'm sorry for my mistakes. But without those mistakes, we'd never be here. I wouldn't have Mattie or you."

"Jasper, you once told me to never give up on love. When it was the right guy, the right time, everything would fall into place. I think it's finally the right time. I've waited for that love, that love I have in you. You're an amazing dad, a wonderful man. I love you. Thank you for being my best friend."

We said our 'I dos', sealing it with a kiss, turning to hug and kiss Mattie and Parker. I looked down at the new wedding band on my hand; it was never going to be perfect again, but it was finally feeling right.

"Well we did it, Alice."

"How does it feel?"

"You tell me, Mrs. Whitlock."

"I think I can get used to being called that." She leaned into me, placing another kiss to my lips as we drove home.

"Me too. But first I have to drop Parker off with Bella, and then it's off to Vegas for a few days of honeymoon." I wiggled my eyebrows, pulling into the driveway.

"I can't wait, husband of mine."

"Neither can I. Stay put. I get to carry you over the threshold."

"I'll be here. For the rest of our lives."

"I can handle that."


	19. The Memories Fade- It's Been Awhile

**October 2012**

* * *

Once hearing about me and Alice getting married, Bella had kept her distance, most times hiding in her office whenever I got Parker. I tried to understand her motives, but most of the time just came up confused.

I rounded the driveway, Parker answering the door before I knocked.

"Daddy!" Parker squealed, wrapping me in a hug around my legs.

"Hey, Baby Girl! Where's your mom?"

"Her office." I rolled my eyes, figures.

"I figured. I'm gonna go drop something off with your mom then we can go."

"Ok."

"Bella?" I tapped softly, watching her contort her face and look up at me. "Can I talk to you?"

"If you feel you must."

"I do."

"Then talk."

I took a deep breath, not really wanting the fight that was about to happen, but it needed to be said.

"Look, I'm sorry if me marrying Alice hurt you again, but you made it perfectly clear you and me were done. I never wanted any of this," I paused, pointing at Bella. "_You_ asked for the divorce. _You _told me it was too late to start over. All of that was _you_."

"Your point?" She stood from her desk, walking over to me, her face inches from mine now.

"My point is I loved you, and I tried my damnedest to make you see how fucking sorry I was for everything I did, and you wouldn't have it. So I gave up and moved on, and now you're mad at me."

"You moved on with the other woman, Jasper. How is that supposed to make me feel? I didn't think you'd be alone forever if I kept telling you no, but fuck ... Alice? Do you love her?" I caught the brief look cross her face; she tried to fight it, but it was there.

"Not as much as I'd loved you ... as I still love you."

"That's not what I asked."

"I like her company. She's easy to talk to. I guess yes, I love her."

"I loved you so much, Jasper, and you hurt me ... bad. I couldn't forgive that. It was too late for us. I needed time, a minute to decompress. After that night on my couch, it sparked something. I missed you. I told myself maybe I was wrong, that it wasn't too late. I was never gonna be able to forgive or forget, but maybe I could move on. We could move on."

Fuck. I ran my hands through my hair as she continued.

"Then you spring the news that not only are you getting married, but you're marrying Alice. It brought everything right back to the surface. I always feared you'd pick her over me. I was right."

"I never picked her over you. You wouldn't let me pick you."

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" I stood there watching her face search mine, challenging my next words. I had meant what I said, I didn't pick Alice over her. Bella took the option of her off the table. I didn't have the right answer as I turned to leave her office. I never would.

"Parker, get your stuff. We're gonna be late."

"Coming, Dad."

After the fight in Bella's office, it was my turn to keep my distance. I didn't know what to say to her, what she wanted my next move to be. She told me if I had given her more time...but something told me time really wouldn't have mattered.

I found Bella bent over a pile of boxes in her garage. Parker had told me she was cleaning today. I quietly walked up behind her, leaning over her shoulder.

"What are you doing?"

"Fuck, you scared me. I'm getting rid of P's old toys."

"Need some help?"

"Sure, grab a box and start digging. What are you doing here anyway?"

"Alice took Mattie shopping. I didn't want to go. So I figured I'd come hang with P."

"Ahh, P's in her room doing homework."

"I know. She answered the door, told me she could play after her report was done and then shut the door in my face."

"So, you're bothering me...?"

"You looked like you could use some company, too."

I sorted through an old, dusty box marked 'Parker's toy room', finding all her old baby things. Bella sat looking at all the memories held in her own box beside me. The time passing in a peaceful calm. Something that had been rare with Bella the last year or so. I moved closer to Bella as she picked up one of Parker's old and well-worn books.

"I remember reading that to her every night."

"I did too. Remember the one time she forgot it and you had to drive all the way back over here just to get it?"

"She wouldn't stop crying 'til I did." I laughed at the memory of driving the four miles back to Bella's in a snowstorm for that book. A drive that should have taken a few minutes took an hour, Parker crying the whole time.

"How old was she then? That seems so long ago now."

"Four. We never lost sight of that book for a whole year."

"Remember Pumpernickel?" She held the dog in her hands; the poor thing had surely seen better days.

"I got him for her shortly after we divorced. She loved that damn thing."

"She kept him right up until you got her a real doggy. Hence the missing ear."

A few hours and more memories later, the garage was almost finished. I picked up the last box that needed sorted, my hand landing on an even smaller box. Picking it up to see it was a ring box...Bella's wedding ring box. I gave her a confused look before I asked her why. "In the garage?"

"I didn't want the reminder in the house."

I nodded, giving it one last look, holding it up for her. "Keep or toss then?"

"I guess keep. Parker may want them one day."

"I still have mine too." I told her. Her face was full of shock as I pulled the chain from out of my shirt for her to see.

"Jasper..." I would have to remember my reasons later, but lost in the moment of talking about our past drew me to lean into her more. Giving her a soft kiss, pulling her tighter in my arms, before I felt her draw back. Looking me in the eyes.

"Jasper, we can't. You're married. I'm not gonna be the other woman. I know how it feels."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, maybe you should go check on P?" I nodded again. She was right. It wasn't fair to make her be the other woman, and I didn't want her to be. Did I?


	20. TMF-Someone You Used To Know -Epilogue

I sat watching Bella help Parker zip the back of her dress, this day coming too damn fast for my liking. It felt like she had just graduated high school yesterday.

Turning to look at me, I caught the emotion in Bella's eyes. We had come a long way in the twenty-two years it took to get Parker to this day.

"You ok, Daddy?"

"Not really, kiddo. You sure you want to marry this guy?" I saw her roll her eyes, walking over to sit in my lap.

"Don't worry, Dad. He loves me, and I love him."

"It's not that he doesn't love you that I'm worried about."

"Dad, he's a good guy; he'll take care of me. I'm a big girl now. You don't have to protect me."

"I never had to protect you. You were always so smart. You understood everything on your own."

"That's cause you and Mom raised me right."

"Parker's right, Jasper. We have to let her go. She's a big girl now."

"I'm not ready yet." And I wasn't ready. I had missed a lot of her life; first steps, softball games, broken hearts. I watched her grow up looking from the outside in. I had to give Bella her credit; she had been an amazing mom and an amazing woman.

I would always hate myself for what I had done to her; for making her have to be all those things on her own. She would always tell me as Parker and Mattie got older that it worked out how it was supposed to. She may have been right, but there would always be that part of me that wished for a different ending; a part of me that would always love her.

I felt a hand touching my shoulder, looking up to see Bella staring at me, a few stray tears in her eyes.  
"It's time, Jasper. We have to walk her down the aisle now."

"Yeah, I know." I shook my head, standing up to help Bella with the finishing touches to Parker's dress.

"Wait! We didn't do the something borrowed, blue, new and old yet."

"Yes we did, Dad. Mom gave me her engagement ring as the old." I had to look away and wipe my face as she told the rest. "She changed the stone so it was my something blue too, and my new ... Dad, you ok?"

I looked over at Bella, she was watching me, a confused look on her face. "You kept your engagement ring too?"

"I saved it for Parker, or you know ... just in case." Her words trailed off as she went to readjust Parker's hair.

"What's the rest?"

"The rest what?"

"Your new and borrowed."

"Oh umm, my new mother-in-law let me borrow this hair clip." She pointed to her head. "And the something new is ... uh ... well, not gonna be here for a while." She bit her lip, looking the spitting image of her mother. My heart melting just a little more, slowly remembering Parker had told us her something new wasn't here yet.

"What do you mean it's not here yet?"

"I'm … pregnant, Dad."

I saw Bella smile proudly at the news. "You knew this already?" Bella nodded and continued for the door.

"She's twenty-two, Jasper ... and getting married. She's not gonna make our mistakes." 

"No, she won't make my mistakes."

"Water under the bridge. Now, let's go give her away."

I placed Parker's veil over her face, grabbing her arm and heading out of the room, Bella on Parker's other side. We made it down the aisle, passing by friends and family.

I saw my sister Rose and Emmett trying to keep their daughter from crying. My sister had gone through a rough patch with Emmett shortly after they got married too. A brief 'what if' flashed in my head as we moved on.

My 'what if' passing completely as I saw Mattie sitting next to Willow, and Alice saving a spot for me at the end of the row. When Parker told us she was getting married, there was no question that Alice was to be there too. After I had remarried, it took Bella some time but she got used to the idea and slowly let Alice in. Parker, however, took to her right away.

We made it to the minister, a few tears falling from my face. I waited for my cue as I had practiced, not really wanting to have to say the words. I understood now how hard it must have been for Bella's dad to hand her over to me all those years ago.

"And who gives this woman away today?"

"Her mother and I do." I said the words, feeling Bella's hand slide into mine.

And all was right for that moment at least.

**Chapter End Notes:**

* * *

**So this is it, my very last chapter. I have mixed emotions about TMF being done. Part of me is glad is finally all over, I think I put you guys through enough with this pair. And a part of me is going to miss writing, be it a small part.**

**I want to thank all the awesome people who stuck by me though this whole story, your reviews, pre reading, and beta'ing all mean a lot to me**.

**Frankie**


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